Hot Topic

Today I have a topic. (Remember back when I used to actually blog about topics?)

What happens when someone you love is sabotaging you? Or, when friends won’t let friends be great!

Let’s pause and think about that for a minute.

Have you ever had a goal and the minute you announced it to your family and friends, they seemed to try and thwart that goal at every single turn? Case in point, a dear friend recently moved to my neighborhood and she has expressed interest in getting her workout regime back on track.

She has since joined my gym and we have been working out together. Lately, whenever it is time for us to go to the gym, her spouse finds something pressing that he has to do at the exact same time (uh dude, do you really have to mow your lawn right when we are leaving at 7am on a Sunday), leaving her unable to go because she has a toddler. Sabotage.

You let your friend know you are on a diet and you go out to dinner and they order that big plate of lasagna, extra fries and the triple chocolate mud pie while saying “I’m not on a diet! You know you want some of this!” Sabotage.

You get a promotion and you start getting the cold shoulder and no support from your former work friends who used to make your cube their daily hang out spot. Sabotage.

And my favorite….you announce a new endeavor or goal and the instant reaction? “Why do you want to do that?” Sabotage.

Why do we do this? I know I have done this to someone in my own life. Our initial reaction with some people is to doubt them, throw salt on their game and be negative. Trust me, as I get older, I really notice it. I am trying to make a conscious effort to be more positive in my dealings with people.

Now I know, we all have family and friends that are total screw ups. They always have a new scheme that never gets off the ground. However, do we react like this to people we love? Are we stomping on someone’s dream?

When you become a parent, it’s even more important to uplift your children and show them that you believe in them, that you support their hopes and ideas.  I notice myself doing this for my kids like it’s second nature. Why do I struggle with doing this with adults?

Maybe if we support some of our friends and family and offer to help them with their goals or just encourage them with a simple “That’s great! I can definitely see you doing that!” we could push them in the right direction?

I love when people believe in me and support my goals. It makes me feel invincible and like I can really accomplish anything. I’m sure someone else would love it just as much.

Justice carries a swift sword

I cannot celebrate anyone’s death. Today however, I feel a sense of relief that Osama Bin Laden’s personal reign of terror is over.

As a New Yorker, the effects of 9/11 hit very close to home. I lost two co-workers when my hotel collapsed at Ground Zero. I lost neighbors and friends both in the towers. When I go home and see the hole in the ground where two magnificent structures once stood and I remember the devastation to innocent people caused by this man’s actions, I admit, I feel a sense of vindication for my city and the victim’s families.

I also think about the repercussions throughout the world. I worry about the safety of the world’s citizens in other countries. The backlash. I pray for safety for all of the world’s citizens from terrorists everywhere.

I am so thankful for our troops. These men and women have been at war for ten years fighting to preserve our safety and never giving up. Their bravery and valor is to be commended. I hope they get the same support when they return home to safety. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE AND CONTINUE TO DO.

Lastly, like him or hate him, the President is to be commended for this operation as Commander in Chief. He went into Pakistan and ordered a strike without letting the country know. The American forces moved in, completed a successful operation and got out safely. He didn’t wait to talk it through with Pakistani leadership. He ordered that strike. Of course, there will be backlash for that decision but he showed that America will not hesitate to move when we have a target in sight. In that move, he has restored the power that this nation once held globally. We are a force to be reckoned with and if you attack on American shores, we will not hesitate to seek justice. Kudos to you Mr. President.

He also gave a great speech last night. He let the world know that they should not hate muslims. He clarified that Osama was a murderer of muslims. Very well stated. He also said exactly what we were all waiting to hear….Justice is served.

Angry Black Woman

The political events in the United States in the last week have really disappointed and angered me.

The simple fact that the “Birther” movement was able to challenge the highest ranking official in our country and force him to have to show his birth certificate is ridiculous. I am all for democracy. I am all for the people having the right to question the actions of elected officials.

However, I am certain there is someone who has the job of making sure the candidates and people who run for office are legal and have the right to do so. If you want to question Obama’s birth certfifcate, shouldn’t that be directed to the person who verified the information? How do you bypass that individual and go driectly to the President and question him when he has already accepted the position? You are challenging him directly to prove he should be there?

Now, they are calling for him to produce his transcripts? Enough is enough.

When a black man is standing in the room as your Commander in Chief and probably has among the best credentials of any of his consitituents and he is still being asked to produce proof that he deserves to be there, it’s RACIST. Simple and plain.

If we never asked Bush to show his C average transcripts from Yale, why are we challenging Obama who had an impeccable Harvard education? He also didn’t come from money so his “Daddy” never made any phone calls or greased any palms to get him into school. He worked for his.

I am so disappointed by this turn of events. Even if you don’t care for his politics, you have to take a good hard look at our nation when a twice divorced (and he was in my NY hotel when he was served with papers from his first wife as he was lunching with his current mistress) shady real estate publicity seeker can challenge the highest ranking official in our land on his credentials.

Yes, I am going to say it….this WOULD NOT happen to a white President.

HOT TOPIC

photo courtesy of Dlisted*

Just saw this picture of four year old Suri Cruise and her pacifier. Can’t wait for folks to weigh in on this one.

In my opinion, four is too old for a pacifier. On a positive note, I am glad to see Suri in child appropriate footwear (no heels for once) and an actual coat. So I say kudos to the parents for that. LOL Baby steps people, baby steps.

What do you think about the pacifier?

 

Gowns, Gowns, Gowns!

Despite abandoning the actual show for basketball (The KNICKS beat the Heat!), you know I had to watch all of the dresses. It’s the Superbowl of Fashion.

It seemed that you were either wearing a nude crystal embellished dress or a red dress last night. Here are a few of my favorites:

JHud. WOW. Seriously, she looked great, I love that she lost the weight by eating right and exercising and she certainly earned every inch of this tangerine Versace. She turned heads the minute she hit the carpet. Congrats to her because the confidence and happiness was radiating from her. Fantastic!

Mila looked lovely. I loved that she embraced an unexpected color. She also wore a gown that wasn’t so traditional or structured. I thought she looked amazing.

Gwyneth looked modern, sleek and all movie star. So different and unexpected. I loved it. She’s come a long way from the pink poufy ballgown she wore when she won.

I love all things designed by Marchesa and Halle did this gown justice. I love the color and I love the simple hair and makeup. Of the nude gowns, this one screamed Oscars to me.

While the dress wasn’t anything major, I loved Reese’s hair and makeup last night. She brought it on the carpet and looked fantastic. Besides, I watched Sweet Home Alabama earlier in the day and I just think she’s adorable.

On the flip side:

Poor Nicole….this was just bad. This picture is even making it look better than it did on camera. The orange shoes weren’t working for me either. It looks like a napkin fold. I would also like to see her embrace a dress in a jewel tone for a change.

Weigh in on your favorites…..or just leave the Knicks props. LOL

Happy Monday!

HOT TOPIC: Co-Signing

Have you ever noticed that most people that comment on blogs tend to co-sign/cheerlead no matter what type of shenanigans are going on?

I am all for being positive because it is hard to take a stand on something when you aren’t a real life friend. Hell, I have been known to go off when a comment rubs me the wrong way. #dontjudgemeIamaworkinprogress

However, when people actively ask for an opinion and they are clearly doing something wrong….the co-signing can be a bit much. In those situations, I tend to not reply at all. Why? Cause despite knowing the person from a blog….I DON’T KNOW THAT PERSON. I only know what they write and I can’t inject my two cents when I know that I would keep it ALL THE WAY REAL and not sugar coat my feelings on the matter.

However, when someone writes, “I just met this guy and after two weeks, he and I are moving in together. I let him drive my car and opened a joint checking account.” I get pissed off seeing the endless trail of commenters saying things like “YOU GO GIRL” “I knew you would find your true love.” “Does he have a brother in Chicago? Sounds like a keeper.”

**SIDE EYE**

Even though people blog about their lives, do they really want your opinions on personal matters? I struggle with this all the time. I want to tell some bloggers what I really feel but I know it’s none of my damn business. Just because they put stuff out there for you to read doesn’t mean they want to hear a strangers opinion on their life. If we are honest, not many want to hear anyone’s opinion about anything. Period.

How do you feel about co-signing? Do you comment positively even when you KNOW the situation is effed up because you don’t want to hurt the individuals feelings and you don’t want to get attacked by the rest of the folks on the blog?

Me? I would rather say nothing if I have nothing good to say. Otherwise, it looks like you are picking on the person when they are down even if you have the best intentions and feel like your comment could offer real advice.

How do you handle this?

Product Junkie

You know I am a self confessed product junkie. Just wanted to share a few items I am loving right now:

Moroccan Hair Oil is my new go to hair product. I put a dime sized amount in my hands and rub them together and then run it through damp, towel dried hair and voila….non-greasy, moisturized, manageable hair.  I can let my hair air-dry and go curly. I can blow dry it straight. Yes, it’s pricey but it has done wonders for my hair and the frizzies. I can’t say enough.

Bare Minerals Makeup So you all know that I am a fan of this makeup line. After using it for over two years, this summer, I ventured out and decided I wanted to change things up. I don’t know, maybe turning 40 made me want to make a change. Can I tell you how much money I wasted trying foundation after foundation? I tried everything from Lancome to Makeup Forever to Clinique to Laura Mercier. Now you know….none of that stuff is cheap. I can do cheap anything but not on my face. Nope. Anyway, guess who was thrilled about all of my makeup exploration? Mama 1969 who has used it all. After about two weeks with each brand, I shipped it off to her and she loved getting all of it in the mail. I have finally returned to my beloved Bare Minerals and I can’t believe I ever strayed in the first place. My complexion has improved, my skin looks flawless and natural…not greasy, cakey or overly made up. I look like me, only better. I love this stuff and I will never stray again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes to Carrots Night Cream. Since my entry into a new decade of my life, I have been looking for moisturizing face products. I am doing my best to battle the forces of nature. There are so many night creams out there that cost a fortune. $200 face cream? Uh yeah…..NOT! I purchased the Yes To Carrots face cream at Target. It is also sold at Whole Foods. Natural ingredients, no parabens and it leaves my face feeling like velvet when I wake up. All that for under $15? Sold.

Mario Badescu Drying Cream is tied with Moroccan Oil for the best product I have purchased all summer. When I bought my Bare Minerals, I received a sample of this stuff. If you recall, I blogged about my face breaking out due to the summer workouts a few weeks ago. One night, I remembered I had this sample and decided to put it on my face before I went to bed. I woke up in the morning  with all blemishes gone. I really thought it was a fluke. A few weeks passed and I had a few more blemishes. I put some of this on my face and the next morning? Gone. I recall seeing that little pink and green bottle in so many magazines over the years and never thinking twice but wow…..who knew? I don’t know if it will work for everyone but for me? The transformation in my skin has been amazing. I ran out and copped a jar and have been sporting my old great skin ever since. I love this product and can’t say enough. It’s sold at Sephora and at Ulta and it’s under $20. What a find!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!!

What women want.

I was reading a magazine article about women and their friendships. It described a woman’s friends as being her worst enemies. The article talked about the end of the s.e.xi.ntheci.ty movie where the ladies are all sitting around the table and 50 year old Samantha tells them that she has just left the man who loves her, stuck with her as she battled cancer…why? Because she yearned to be true to her inner Samantha. As she said this, her trio of girlfriends co-signed and applauded her decision. This 50 year old woman just walked away from a two year relationship so she could continue to sleep around and be free instead of work through her issues with a good man who obviously loved her and not one friend challenged it.

The article definitely made me think. As women, do we let our female friends sabotage us? Where do we draw the line between being supportive and being honest with our girls. Do we hold our real opinions in check in order to maintain a friendship?

There are times when I hold my tongue with friends because I know they will inevitably get mad at me for my opinion even if they asked for it. I think a real friend can take brutal honesty and know that you aren’t judging them. They know you really care.

As women, I think we like to ask for advice only to have people tell us what we want to hear. We don’t really expect true opinions, especially ones that differ from our own. We welcome the co-signing and as a result, when our girls ask for our take on their situations, we tend to offer what we are seeking…..love and acceptance .

No wonder men can’t figure us out.

By the Time I get To Arizona….

So I woke up this morning to read that Arizona’s governor is now banning the teaching of ethnic studies classes in her state.

According to CNN:

The new law forbids elementary or secondary schools to teach classes that are “designed primarily for pupils of a particular ethnic group” and advocate “the overthrow of the United States government” or “resentment toward a race or class of people.”

Pardon me if I’m wrong, but what does American History teach? I remember learning that America was great and I read about how the native americans were almost wiped out to the point of extinction. I remember reading how America treated it’s slaves. I never remembered reading about the legacy and rich history of Black Americans. I don’t remember any classes that taught me the rich history of our American Italians, Jews, Asians, Latinos. I remember lots of classes on British History. I remember having to learn about the French Revolution and Ancient Greece. I also distinctly remember one day in 5th grade after spending time learning about ancient civilizations (the Egyptians in particular), I went home and looked at Egypt on a map and was surprised to see it was in Africa. I didn’t understand why they never told us that those same Egyptians that built pyramids and were responsible for so many scientific and medical inventions were Africans.

While I am not for any history that would teach a child that their race is the best. I am for learning about all cultures. I am also for mexican students, in a predominantly mexican area having the opportunity to learn about their culture in addition to learning about American culture. Having pride in ones self and knowing that you also have a rich history can only make you a more productive citizen. It is not teaching you that your culture is better. It is not teaching you how to be  a terrorist. It teaches you that your people have also contributed to this country and to society as a whole. It teaches you to have pride.

In this nation, that was built on the backs of immigrants and native Americans, why can’t we embrace our melting pot? Why can’t we adopt a more global approach to learning? If we are so great, shouldn’t our history speak for itself instead of being the only thing fed to our children?

I am scared of what’s happening in Arizona. Are you?

Miss Manners and Blogging

You have to have a thick skin when you blog. People start to feel like they really know you because you share so much about your life. Sometimes it’s cool and when you get to meet them, it’s fun. I have had the pleasure of meeting many commenters/readers in the past few years and have definitely made a few great connections and some actual friendships.

However, some people take certain liberties because they read your blog. They have opinions on what you should be doing or how you should handle a certain situation. They feel comfortable critiquing you or your life. Why? Because they have built a kinship in their head with you over time. They relate to you in some way.

I can’t complain because I choose to blog and I choose to share tidbits of my daily life with the general population. However, think about blog etiquette for a second. Say your friend at work that you eat lunch with everyday shares stories about her spouse with you. You may know very intimate details about her life but upon meeting her husband, you would never say “You know, I really think you were wrong for saying XYZ to your wife last week.” That would be rude and out of pocket right? Of course, you don’t know that man from Adam.

Then why is it okay to be so judgemental with a total stranger? I’m not talking about topic discussions that get heated. If someone asks for an opinion then you have the right to give one. It’s when the comments get personal, snide, nasty or just too familiar.

It’s a trend I am seeing lately on lots of blogs and once in a while, on my own blog. There are times I read people’s emails or comments and I have to count to 10 and exhale just to keep from responding with a  “WHAT THE FUDGE?” Remember, because you read a slice of someone’s life, it doesn’t give you carte blanche to say whatever you want to. You can judge someone based on what you read but most people are more than their blogs and personal attacks are unnecessary when coming from a total stranger. We won’t even get into how most rude comments come from people that don’t even blog. You know, cause it’s easier to be rude when you’re anonymous.

Am I the only one noticing this trend among bloggers? What say you?