When people ask me how it is that I haven’t killed and dumped the body have stayed married for so long, I always feel like they are looking at Mr. 1969 and I through rose colored glasses. I will tell anyone that marriage is far from easy. Living with one person, forever, is like being in jail with a roommate. You either need to figure out how to make your peace with the situation fast or you will both need to sleep with one eye open at all times.
We have many differences. He is neat. I am *cough*comfortable cleaning things on my own schedule *cough*. He is hyper and cannot sit still for one minute. I relish nothing more than peace and quiet, a good tv show, fuzzy pajamas and my couch. He loves to visit every single family member, even ones that are like 3rd cousins once removed. I like my immediate family, my cousins around the Holidays and uh, yeah….that’s it. He is nice, always happy and uber friendly. He always looks at the positive side of every situation. I can be evil.
They say opposites attract, and they do. However, you may not want to live with your opposite for life. Having this relationship takes work. I have to pause and stop myself from saying the first evil thing that springs to mind. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably. I have to try and not be so selfish at times. I have to stop being upset about the things he does wrong and try to focus on what he does right.
It requires maturity. There, I said it. Healthy, adult relationships require maturity. Not just from one party…from both people involved. I fully believe that as long as both parties are committed to having a healthy relationship, things can work. The minute one side starts to waiver, you need to start working on fixing the problems. Issues fester when not addressed and you cannot always address things by arguing.
Too many folks are in love with the “idea” of getting married. You need to spend time getting to know someone. Be honest with yourself. Are you both good at working through problems together? When bad times hit, do you see yourself sticking with this person? There are always huge signs when you’re dating. Don’t ignore the signs.
A woman that always looks good, tight outfits, nice shoes and bags will want to keep living her life the same way when she is married. There will be shopping! As a man, you need to recognize and understand that. She won’t magically stop shopping now that she is your wife. The key is, will she also learn to curb some of her spending to invest in your future together. Will she put your needs above hers?
A man that likes to hang out with his boys will still want to do so after he is married. You met him that way, it will not go away. The key is, is he willing to cancel those plans with the boys if there is something you want to do with him? Does he put your needs first? If he won’t do that now, what makes you think he will do it when he’s married?
I think people rush into relationships out of fear, lonliness and peer pressure. There is nothing wrong with moving slow, dating and understanding what your needs are before you can expect anyone else to understand them. Self love leads to true love.
Date responsibly my friends!
