Yesterday was Father’s Day. A day to celebrate the great job that men are doing in our families.
I checked into Facebook and saw a number of messages thanking the “Father’s who are actively participating in their child’s lives” or to the “single mothers who are stepping up when the Father’s aren’t”.
As many of you know, for most of my life, I was raised by a single mother before reconnecting with my father as an adult. She did a helluva job raising my brother and I. In addition to calling my dad, I always call her on Father’s Day to thank her for all she did for me.
As I read all of the backhanded comments and heard even more as the day passed, I was saddened for our community. Yes, we know so many Father’s that for lack of a better term “ain’t shyt”. But Father’s Day is a day to celebrate the men that ARE doing their jobs, handling their business and raising their children.
When Mother’s Day rolls around, there are never any disclaimers. We don’t say “Happy Mother’s Day to the mother’s that are actively taking care of their kids”. We all just celebrate our mothers PERIOD.
How did we get so broken and if people are so hurt and angry that they simply can’t wish anyone a Happy Father’s Day without throwing in some bitter comment, how does that affect our children?
I know there are a lot of men that make babies and run. I know many that are not paying support, not visiting, not coming to the soccer games and not helping with homework. Father’s Day is not about them.
It is about the Father’s that comb their daughter’s hair. It’s about the Dad’s that play catch for hours at the park. It’s for the Father’s that cheer or coach from the sidelines. The Dad’s that hug and tell you everything’s going to be okay.
I may not have always had my Dad around but I can put my personal feelings aside to simply say Happy Father’s Day without throwing in a side of bitterness.
I don’t know how we can fix our people and our broken spirits but we have to try for our children’s sakes. Let’s start by simply saying…
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL OF THE GREAT DADS OUT THERE. THANK YOU AND WE APPRECIATE YOU!
I was thinking of this as well. On and before Mothers Day I heard lots well wishes to random strangers. I didn’t hear anyone say happy fathers day until this morning.
I was thinking the same thing yesterday morning when I was reading all of that. You NEVER hear anything negative on Mother’s Day. Facebook was a complete buzz-kill and I stayed off until last night and still didn’t read anymore statuses. Like you, I had an absentee father. I’m not jaded by that — at all! I just made sure my kids wouldn’t be like that by choosing well!
Yoooo!!! I wrote about the SAME THING today!! We are the same wavelength with this one. We are definitely cut from the same cloth because our points are near identical. I’m with you all the way on this entry.
You did? LMAO! I am going over to check it out. GREAT MINDS….
WELL SAID!
There are actually backhanded Father’s Day cards…..puzzles the heck out of me. I swear the card read..”thank you Dad for being there. You didn’t have to, you could have just walked away.”…..????? WTH?
I left the card store after reading that.
I make sure I am in Philly every Father’s Day and Mother’s day too. I took my Dad and my S/O to brunch yesterday. And it touched my heart when I looked around the resturant and saw so many families taking Dads out for brunch.
You didn’t have to, you could have just walked away? I am SOOOOOO done right now. WOW, just WOW.
Where did you do brunch? We were out with Mr. 1969 too.
WHAT?!?!?!
SON. I have a friend who outs her BD or maligns her single motherhood WEEKLY. I was so shocked she managed to keep her mouth closed on it yesterday. I guess b/c her own father is very involved. Regardless, people were KIL.LING.ME. with the bitterness. Get your life together. When you laid down with that dude, you knew he wasn’t the type to stay around forever. Did he ever commit to you or anything else in his life? So why did you think a baby would change him??? Your poor choices are yours. It’s not everybody else’s problem. Do better next time.
“Your poor choices are yours. It’s not everybody else’s problem.” This needs to be on a t-shirt, esp regarding male-female relationships.
I get some folk have crappy fathers but at some point (far into adulthood) you are just complaining about something you really had no control over. living well is the best revenge if you feel the need to get some.
Well, my post was one that thanked the men who are taking on their responsibilities and I did thank and wish the single mother’s out there a “Happy Father’s” Day. I don’t see it as “bitterness”. I see it as giving credit where credit is due (it’s just that simple…for me). Also, because I do know of men who have taken on dual roles as well. I shout them out on Mother’s Day as well. As my post stated, there is a difference in becoming a “Father’ and being a “Dad’.
I agree and ALWAYS call my mom to thank her for all that she did for me when my Dad wasn’t there. Having to be a single parent is indeed a thankless job and one of the hardest.
I agree w/ you. FB was downright distasteful w/ all that. My dad wasn’t around either, but geez, that’s not what Father’s Day is about.
guess it was a good thing I didn’t log into FB until this morning and didn’t read any updates..
anywhoo.. hope you guys had a fab day.. I can’t wait till the Tali’s say they want to cook for their dad.. ha!!!
Wow, was facebook that bad yesterday?
I was wondering if I was guilty of doing that yesterday. Because I did post something, but this is what I put:
Happy Father’s Day. To all the awesome fathers ou[t] there. Thanks for all you do.
Don’t know if you would consider that a backhanded compliment since I am only referring to the awesome fathers out there. You decide.
I think what you said was appropriate. Absolutely.
My issue was with the “Happy Father’s Day to the REAL men handling their business and not just being sperm donors” types of posts. There were a lot of them and if you want a funnier take on it, read
http://www.forwardnotion.wordpress.com
On Mother’s Day we never say “Happy Mothers day to the mothers out there handling their business and not staying out in the club til 3am.”
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I don’t see why people have to give a shout out to those that “don’t” do on that day. Why even bother? Like you said, the day was about those that “do”. Why give the idiots part of me shine?!?!
By the way, to piggyback on the comment about the card, wifey saw a Mahogany card that said “Mom, I know that my father isn’t around…….” Seriously.
I saw that on Twitter as well. It is sad. However, everybody’s experience is different and maybe dad being absent or whatever just hurt really bad. Not excusing it, just saying! Maybe with people bringing out how nasty the comments were will make people tone it down next year. Or even revisit their personal issues in a helpful way!
I know. It makes me sad for our kids. Not having a dad around definitely hurt me and helped me to make a lot of very bad choices. Despite that, I can still appreciate all of the good father’s out there. I don’t bash all trifling dads. I can respect why someone would be angry….I just prefer to uplift the great dads. Thanks for commenting, as always!
Say THAT!!!! You would think that NO MAN raised his own children based on these bitter and tasteless statuses. I almost put up a FB status wondering why deadbeat dads got so much shine on F-Day, but I didn’t because that would be giving them MORE shine. Many women become single mothers through no fault of their own. However, with the way some of these women act I am left to think that these children don’t even have one decent parent.
Yeah…I saw it WAY more from single moms than from hurt/affected children.
Yep, I think there is a bitterness. I think moms get props no matter what because they carried the baby for all those months and went through childbirth, so even tho there are some trifling mothers out there, folks give it a pass on mothers day because they know their mom could’ve aborted them and didn’t.
I’m late commenting, but I share the same sentiments. It got to the point where I logged off of the Book of Faces because of the backhanded comments. I thought they were inappropriate and potentially dangerous for some of the same reasons you listed here. Kudos to you for putting it more eloquently than I could.