Soul searching

On the last day of 2009, I am chilling in my undecorated home office with my morning cup of coffee reflecting on the past year.

I started 2009 in a new hotel doing a job I was forced to do if I wanted to stay employed with my company. I had just left my position as a Director and was back to selling events as a regular old sales manager. My heart was weary about taking a step back career wise. I contemplated changing industries, leaving the business…hell, I just felt defeated.  In addition, I knew that job cuts and layoffs lay ahead in the upcoming year.

Career wise, this has been the toughest year I have ever faced. I learned alot about my inner strength and character this year. I allowed myself time to be depressed about the situation. After ten years, I was allowed to throw a minor pity party.

However, I decided to tackle the new job with everything I had. I came in to an underperforming hotel and performed. I made myself valuable to the team and ended up finishing this year at 114% to my goal.

I proved to myself that my job does not define me. I do. As we geared up for the sales transformation (That’s layoffs in corporate speak) and interviews, I studied and prepared and ended up landing a job. I was one out of 14 hired out of an initial team of over 50 salespeople. I am proud of myself. It wasn’t easy and the stress of thinking about managing my home and two children on one salary was weighing heavily on me. I am not one to share my problems with people because I tend to think it’s selfish. I hate talking about how big MY problems are whan I know so many other people are facing far worse. I kept it to myself and only a handful knew how stressed and worried I really was.

What did I learn? I know that what I want for myself isn’t always what I need. The immediate disappointment of losing my title was only preparation for an even better job. One where I can work from home, set my own hours and manage my own territory and acounts. It means spending more time at home with my boys and less time commuting or working late. God had something better in store for me. I just needed to have faith, focus on what I could do each day and wait for my blessing. I needed to stop second guessing and questioning my life. Once I accepted the situation and made the most of it, everything around me started clicking into place.

In the past decade, I grew up. I married my husband in 2000 and had two wonderful sons in the years that followed. We purchased our first home and moved away from our families to begin our own. We have grown together as a family and will continue to do so even more in the next ten years.

Everything hasn’t been perfect for us but, as I have learned and can now appreciate, the blessings are on their way. Each day is another stepping stone leading us to that path. I have to accept the change and obstacles life throws my way because all they are doing is getting me ready and mentally prepared for the good things to follow.

I’m excited for the next ten years of watching my Tali’s grow, being with Mr. 1969 and living life to the fullest. I want to thank you all for sharing some of those times with me. Writing this blog has been a high point of the last decade too. I appreciate all of the friends I have met and not met yet. Your reading truly makes me happy and I look forward to even better stories in the years to come.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy 2010. I wish you all prosperity, good health and strength in the new year. God Bless!

Working on Me

Over the last month, I have slacked off on my fitness regime. The job changes, onslaught of the cold weather and the Holidays have made it easy to neglect myself.

One of the perks of having the new job means that I will have a more flexible schedule which will allow me time to schedule working out daily. Instead of waiting for the new year to start, I have jumped back in with both feet and kicked my workouts back into high gear over the last seven days.

Every year, we all discuss our resolutions, goals, etc. For me, it’s a lifestyle. I may slip for a few weeks but I just pick myself up and start all over like nothing happened. I can’t lie that it has felt great to work on me and have the time to spoil myself again.

I am going to like this new job!

Day Two

My oldest Tali is off from school this week. God Bless daycare because Tali 2 is in school until Wednesday. I love talking to all of my friends without kids who say things like “Why didn’t you keep him home too?” or “That’s so mean to send him to school when you’re home.” Uh yeah…you can all miss me with your angst. When you are responsible for the entertainment of a four year old and seven year old boy trapped in a house together when it’s too cold to go outside….yeah, we’ll talk then. (Yes, Mel…I said “trapped”! )

Yesterday, I took Tali 1 out to spend his giftcards. He dragged me from store to store. I helped him contemplate the Arceus Pokemon vs the Diamond and Pearl Pokemon. I discussed the merits of Super Mario Brothers vs Mario and Luigi. I engaged in the “who would win Batman or Wolverine” debate (Wolverine FTW!). After shopping, we had a nice lunch at Pe.i W.ei and headed back home.

Today, I asked him what he wanted to do. Now, recognize…it’s about 29 degrees outside with gusting winds. My buddy wants to go to the movies. *sigh* I sat through the Chipmunk movie last Saturday and my ears are still peeved.

I don’t know what to take him to see. Avatar and Sherlock Holmes are both HIGH on my list but he’s too young. I went through all of the movies and he said..”Well, I guess I’ll see the Princess and the Frog. There is a boy in it right?”

I couldn’t believe he wanted to see it. He hates girly movies. When I asked him what made him pick that movie after he declared it girly before, he simply said “Well mom, this IS the first time they made a Brown Princess so we should see it because it’s like history.”

Gotta love Tali 1. Off to the matinee.

It’s a Wu-Tang Christmas….

Twas the week before New Year’s and all through the house not a creature was stirring ….except for the Wu-Tangs. *sigh*

We were away for the holiday and it was lovely. We spent the day with our entire family and had a great time. The best part? Great food and it wasn’t at my house! LOL

The Tali twosome throughly enjoyed themselves. They got an air hockey table, a Hot.Whe.els super jump raceway, N.inte.ndo DS….they are in little boy heaven right about now.

So we returned home on Christmas night around 8pm after driving back from Jersey in the rain. You would think the fact that it was Christmas would mean that everyone was snuggled indoors sipping eggnog by the fire right?

Not the Wu-Tangs. No….they were huddled outside their home, sipping from a bottle and talking and laughing at the top of their lungs. Who does this? Why can’t you all take two steps back and do that ish in your own home? Why congregate outside and then I can hear you all from my house?

Yeah….you know Mr. 1969 decided to stroll outside and across to their house right?

The Wu Tangs: “Hey neighbor, Merry Christmas!”

Mr. 1969: *blank stare/mean mug/ice grill*

The Wu Tangs: “Is there a problem?”

Mr. 1969: “It’s Christmas. I have to listen to you guys being loud outside of your house all year. I’m not doing it tonight. Understand?”

The Wu Tangs: “Uh, we were just going inside.”

Mr. 1969: “Great.”

I stayed inside and watched the exchange from the window behind the curtains. LOL

All I heard Mr. 1969 say when he came in was “Merry Christmas now mothereffers…”

Yeah, nothing like a little yuletide spirit…Philly style.

Merry Christmas Everyone….

We are finally here…Christmas Eve. I am sitting here on the couch with Mr. 1969 and the boys waiting for the Christmas Story marathon to begin. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“You”ll shoot your eye out!”

The cookies for Santa are sitting out and hopefully there will be some coffee too. Santa has a long night ahead of her…him. *wink*

Just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Safe travels and remember, family sucks sometimes but hey, they’re yours! Enjoy the holiday and don’t forget to thank Jesus for all your blessings somewhere between opening gifts, eating too many cookies and that last glass of egg nog.

Love ya!

Delurking Day

Today, I invite all of the lurkers to come out and say hello. Hey, it’s the holidays right?

Say your name and let me know your favorite post.

I’ll start: I’m 1969 and my favorite post of all time is definitely “You not opposed to toush a fish!”

Happy Delurking……………..

Damn you snow!

So like many of you on the East Coast this was a crazy weekend. At our house, we got 23 inches of snow. Seriously.

The day the snow started, the Tali’s woke up hyped at around 8am ready to go outside. I got them bundled up and let them loose. They didn’t anticipate that the snow was still coming down and blowing in their faces. They lasted all of  ten minutes and came running back into the house asking me for hot chocolate. *blank stare*

We spent the entire day trapped snuggled all cozy in the house. I did something I don’t do too often, I fried chicken. The 1969 men tore that chicken up.  I turned around and it was all gone. The boys were singing chicken songs at the table. Just crazy.

We woke up Sunday morning and our snow had finally stopped falling. We all bundled up and headed out into the frozen tundra. The boys actually lasted a good hour and a half the 2nd time around. They tried to build a fort and had an all around good time until they dared challenge me in a snowball fight and I had to take them both out. Little known fact about 1969? I played softball all through high school and was co-captain of my team. Uh yeah….my arm is still intact. They had to call in their Daddy for backup.

Today, the schools are closed and I am working from home. My last day in the office is tomorrow. No work for me after that until I start the new job on January 4th. Ahhhhh, life is good.

Hope everyone is safe out there and enjoying the snow.

Hot Topic

This past weekend, I went to see a friend who just had surgery.  She is a hard working single mom and needed some TLC.  A few girlfriends and I packed up a homemade lasagna, salad, rolls, etc and headed out to her house.

She was so glad to see us when we arrived. Her son is good friends with my son and I love to catch up with him as well. Well, as soon as we walked in, she let us know that her “new friend” was also there. We all said okay and that we were looking forward to meeting him.

He shortly came out of her room to say hello. He was wearing silk pajama pants and a tshirt so clearly, he had spent the night. In addition, we learned that he also had a two year old son that he has full custody of. The two year old was also over at the house and we met him as well.

We all ate and enjoyed chatting. He seemed very nice and was attentive to her. After a few hours he got up to leave with his son. My head was spinning from all that I wanted to say to my friend. Instead, I just inhaled and asked her a few questions.

“How did you guys meet?”

“We met online.”

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

“A month”

I stopped and didn’t ask anymore. My two other girlfriends thought he seemed really nice and he did. He seemed like a very nice man.

However, I definitely had some issues about the entire situation. This girlfriend was married and her husband left her for another woman while she was pregnant with her son seven years ago. It took her about five years to start dating again. She was devastated by the betrayal and sudden single parenthood.

Her son is now seven and he has had major issues dealing with the dynamics between her and his father. She and I constantly talk about this situation. The dad has since remarried and now calls her son maybe once every two or three months. He failed to show up to his last two birthday parties. Her son cries about it and takes it very hard.

For me to walk in and watch this other dude up in her house and so comfortable after one month? My blood pressure was boiling. First of all, as a grown azz man, when you are meeting a woman’s friends for the first time, you need to go change out of your pajams and make yourself presentable. That ish is not cool. He was indeed a little “too damn familiar” (c) Mama 1969.

Second, you met him on the internet and one month later, he is that comfortable up in your house? His kid is there and he is around your son like that already? I have a major problem with this. The internet is filled with crazies. Hell, some of you are crazy as hell and I have to give you a side eye every now and then. Who’s to say he didn’t see your profile “single mother, lives alone, owns a house and car, good job” and decide you were ripe for the pickings? Who’s to say he doesn’t like young boys? There is nothing wrong with meeting someone and clicking right away. I don’t even have  a problem with meeting someone on line. I think that’s great. However…what’s wrong with courting? How about getting to know someone before opening up your home and exposing your child to them so soon?

I know what it’s like to be lonely but damn. I swear that everytime we talk, we end up discussing her son’s feelings about his dad. What message does this send to your child? In addition, you are playing house with the man and HIS child. Is this alienating your own son?

As I sat there, I saw about fifty red flags. I love my friend but I already knew…if I jumped in and said how I was feeling, I would have gotten hit with the usual “you’re married” “you and Mr. 1969 have a different kind of relationship” “you don’t know what it’s like to be single” . She’s a grown woman and has to make her own choices. I try my best to stay out of relationships that are not my own.

However, this is not sitting well with me and knowing me, she will eventually call and ask me what I thought about him and I will probably be brutally honest. *sigh*

If you are a single mom and want to have a date, get busy, entertain a gentleman caller….you have every right to do so. As Jilly says “really, go head, get your groove on”. However, call one of your friend’s and drop your kid off before you do. Your child deserves more thought. You are no longer single-single. You have a responsibility to make sure you do not raise a f*cked up kid. Yeah, I said it. It’s not all about you and your hormones. It’s not about “I’ve been unhappy and I deserve to find my own happiness”. You are somebody’s mom now.

They deserve to not have to remember all the names of the random dudes you bring home. They deserve to not have to share you with someone they think is a stranger. They should only be meeting people that you are 100% sure are good people. PERIOD.

Now I am not saying he couldn’t turn out to be her future husband. He most certainly seemed well mannered but hey, I know alot of people that seeemed great at the start and 30 days later were complete azzholes or psychos. What’s wrong with getting to know them first?

As a mother, dating or married, you need to put that child first. I know people will tell you that you have to put the man first but trust me, a good man would expect you to put your child first. A man can fend for himself, your child will only be innocent and childlike ONCE.

Weigh in.

The Weekend Recap

I apologize for being MIA but I have been running around like a crazy woman.  You know how I get. LOL

Friday I was home all day so I proceeded to go get my tree, bring it home and decorate the house. Afterwards, I got ready for the office Holiday party. I am actually saddened to tell you that the entire hotel staff looked….*gasp* NICE. My new hotel steps their game up. All of the ladies were in cocktail attire and the men were in suits. There were no interesting photos to share. I was highly disappointed. The food was good, open bar. Nothing to report except the usual. A few folks were a little TOO DRUNK erra…. CRUNK. Seriously, being totally wasted and trying to lap dance with your co-workeres is NOT what’s hot in the hood and yes, we are all side-eyeing you today.

On Saturday, I attended an early screening of the Prin.cess and the F.rog hosted by the Del.ta Alumn.ae Chapter here in Philadelphia. It was a great fundraiser and they had a huge turnout. All of the little girls were decked out in their full on Princess attire. They each received a tiara when they arrived so they were extra cute. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and plan on seeing it again. If you haven’t seen it, go support the first Black Disney Princess!

Yesterday was spent lounging and cooking. Heavy on the lounging. I watched the season finale of Dexter which totally shocked me. I was NOT expecting that at all. I am already looking forward to next season. I also watched Burn After Reading (I love Brad Pitt!) and Taken. Now, I still find it hard to believe that Liam Neeson and his old behind was beating fools down like that. All in all, still entertaining.

And yes, the Eagles beat the Giants. However, two mistakes cost us the game and both offenses were on fire. It was indeed a good game. The Birds are going to need to find a defense if they plan on making it through the playoffs.  And Osi….call me! (withyourfineself)

How was everyone’s weekend?

The Hotel Chronicles

The managers in my hotel rotate a shift for lobby duty. Since most folks check-in between the hours of 5-7:30pm, we make sure at least one manager is standing in the lobby to greet guests during this time. Last night was my shift. Here is a nice conversation I had with a random guest. He was a lovely gentleman about 55 years old. I had sent him to the bar for a martini earlier in the evening.

Him:  That was a good martini!

Me: Glad you enjoyed it.

Him: Can I buy you one?

Me: No thanks sir, I am actually still on the clock.

Him: What time do you get off? I’m being very forward right?

Me: (laughing) Actually sir, I have been here since 8am and believe me when I tell you, I will be racing home to my family as soon as my time is up. But thanks for the offer, I appreciate it.

Him: I just want to tell you….I can be a pig sometimes. I really can. Men are just terrible creatures. I was wondering if you could recommend um…..well…..a place where……um….I could …….

Me: You want to know where the Gentlemen’s Clubs are?

Him: Yes. Wow, I must look like a pig. I swear I am not usually this horrible.

Me: Sir, you are a businessman on a business trip looking for something to do tonight. I don’t judge. Let me get you a list of places.

Him: Thanks so much….what is this one club like?

Me: Well, I actually have a card for them. Here you go.

Him: No….this is one of those places where they want you to spend lots of money. Drinks. Cover charges. Too much. I’m looking for more of a…..um…..certain kind of woman.

Me: You need a hooker?

Him: Exactly. Wow. I really am not this much of a pig. I swear. I’m normally a very nice man.

Me: Well sir, I can’t tell you where to find one but I can find someone else that would know. Hold on one moment.

(I go grab the bellman. Tell him what the guy needs. The bellman comes over and talks to him. )

Him: I need a cab.

Me: I just called one for you.

Him: You are the best!

Me: That’s what they tell me. Have a great evening sir.

All in a day’s work.