Several Philadelphia daycare’s have a policy regarding Father’s Day. On mother’s day, the kids all make cards and bring home the usual homemade goodies.
In an effort to not traumatize the children, they are no longer making Father’s Day cards at school. It turns out that the majority of mothers in the city are single mothers and the kids were upset at not having Dads. The mother’s in turn voiced this to the schools and now several schools are no longer doing Father’s Day projects.
What do you think about this policy? If you were a single mom to a child under 5….would you be upset by school having a Father’s Day celebration or project? Would you prefer the school to do nothing and leave it up to you to celebrate or not celebrate the day at home?
21 comments
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May 19, 2008 at 2:49 pm
BK
I don’t think it is fair.. As a single mom, my kids were able to make father’s day cards for their dads when they were in daycare/preschool/early elementary days. Are they assuming that because they are in single parent homes they have no association with the father? I’m sure there is some father figure whether it be grandfather or whatever.. they could give it to.. OR the mother can receive the father’s day card for being mommy & daddy to the child. If you can’t make a father’s day card, then you shouldn’t make a mother’s day card. A lot of the single moms need to have a dialogue with their child about things vs. using it as another excuse to cry woe is me..
My kids fathers weren’t ALWAYS active in their lives and as much as I felt they were only “sperm donors” at one point and time, it doesn’t matter.. they made father’s day cards and either sent/gave to their dads or the one year they both made me father’s day cards which was really special.
I think its taking it too far.. IMO
May 19, 2008 at 4:02 pm
checkmymelonie
I don’t think it’s fair to penalize the other children who do have a father consistently in their lives. What about the other men in their lives who are fathers, i.e. their granddads or uncles or the neighbor next door or hell, even their teacher? The project would only be as exclusionary as the daycare makes it.
May 19, 2008 at 4:03 pm
erica b.
Wow! I don’t think that’s fair. The poor fathers always get slighted anyway with the stupid tie and socks, while mom gets the hookup on Mother’s Day. Now, just cut him out — PERIOD. I feel before you single out one parent, they should just the whole thing out. Just celebrate at home or give the kids a package of crayons and construction paper to take home and use.
May 19, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Funky Fresh
I wrote a post on this last year because my kid’s day care did that exact thing.
http://alwaysfunkyfresh.wordpress.com/2007/06/15/big-poppahomemade-cards/
Why should I (and any other good men) have to suffer because a bunch of punk asses don’t want to man up?!?!?!
May 19, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Nineteen69
Fresh….thanks for linking. I forgot that your daycare did the same thing.
I’m not angry at the lack of a card….I am disappointed that we have come to this as a society. I understand the kids being confused by the Holiday if they don’t have dads in the picture but I don’t know if the answer is to just act like Father’s Day doesn’t exist. I feel like we are expecting a band aid to stop an open wound from bleeding.
May 19, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Funky Fresh
Let the kids make the card anyway. Let them give it to a father figure or do what I did when I was younger, I gave it to my mother. Hell, if you know where your child’s father lives, let the child mail the card to him.
May 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm
amy
Most kids, even if they don’t have a father, have another male father figure in their life – a grandfather or uncle. If they don’t, maybe there is a neighbor friend or something. It is a good opportunity to talk to kids about non “traditional” families – that families come in all sorts of varieties, and not all the people in our “family” are blood relatives.
I think this is wrong and that it is a big missed opportunity!
May 19, 2008 at 5:20 pm
After Hours
This is interesting this topic should come up. At my son’s school (last year), the teacher had the kids make Mother’s Day cards and a framed poem describing what is a mother.
Father’s Day came up and the teacher was going to have the kids do something similar for the Dads, but she didn’t- One of my son’s classmates lost his father to cancer the year prior (his mother is close friend of my wife). The teacher showed some sensitivity to his situation. Yes, the father’s didn’t receive anything from their children, but at least one child was not marginalized.
-After Hours
May 19, 2008 at 5:34 pm
jameil
it’s wiggity wack to me. let them babies do their cards. i so remembered fresh’s dilemma w/this last year. daddies want their father’s day homemade, too!
May 19, 2008 at 5:41 pm
After Hours
Oh, I forgot to add:
It is nice to be acknowledged and pointed out, but I could go either way with Father’s Day. I know (even though I am still growing/learning/making mistakes) that I am a good father. My son can show his appreciation by:
- getting good grades in school
- not taking me for granted
- respecting his parents/elders
- respecting himself
And yes, an occasional Thank You wouldn’t hurt either!
-After Hours
May 19, 2008 at 5:47 pm
miss ahmad
Well my mother is a Principal and she canceled the Halloween Parade because her school is comprised mostly of poor immigrant children who don’t know what the hell Halloween is and whose parents certainly don’t have the money to buy them a costume.
Parents were outraged but it created a fair playing field.
If children have father’s in their life school doesn’t have to be the only outlet for them to celebrate Father’s day. But if MOST of the students don’t have father’s in their lives which is quite possible in inner cities, than majority rules…
It’s bad enough not having a dad, than to be excluded from a school project because you don’t have one…
May 19, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Roycee
I think in instances like this you encourage children to celebrate the men in their lives who have the most impact on them. It doesnt have to be a father in order for the person to exhibit father like qualities and values. The point is celebrating fatherhood and that shouldnt be set aside because some children’s fathers are absent. That sends the wrong message to children and gives the impression that fatherhood is not valued or expected. We need to teach them that just because yours isnt there doesnt mean we should forget that fathers are important. Especially for little boys. We want them to know that being a good father to a child is what they should all strive to be and because of that we want to honor the men in their lives who they look to for help, encouragement, and guidance.
I think it is wrong to not honor fathers in the same way we do mothers, penalizing the fathers who are there because of the ones who are is also hurting the children. I think we need to reorient the message and deal with the real issues. Ignoring the problem will not make it disappear.
May 19, 2008 at 7:25 pm
y
It makes me extremely sad that we even have this dilemma first of all. I don’t think it’s fair because its like the kids who do have fathers in their lives can’t celebrate it. Or its like we should all just ignore that these kids don’t have father figures and pretend like mother’s day is only important. To me, that makes the situation even more painful for the child. You think that child is that much happier because they don’t have to go through the motions of making a father’s day card? What about the child who may not have their mother in their life or orphans or children in foster care? This is a situation where it truly takes a village to raise a child. If I were a single mother, it would not upset me. People have fathers, some have terrible, deadbeat ones and some have good ones, but fatherhood can be wonderful but there’s not need to pretend it doesn’t exist. If I were the director of day care where this was an issue, I would not want to eliminate that activity. It can be altered for all types of families and father figures out there. And for the kids that didn’t have any type of father figure I’d recruit some male volunteers to spend a little time at my school. I know this may sound idealist and naive but a school is a part of a community so the community should address its needs.
May 19, 2008 at 7:39 pm
onefromphilly
The many (good dads) should not be punished for the few (bad dads).
I think that’s unfair and presumptive. It’s an asumption that even if the mothers are single that the dad’s are either triflin, uninvolved or absent. That’s presumptive and wrong!
May 19, 2008 at 8:57 pm
SunnyJ
I don’t think it’s fair. There are many great fathers who may not live in the home and they shouldn’t be ignored because of the ones who don’t do right by their children.
May 19, 2008 at 10:03 pm
J. Dakar
Wow…just, wow.
Like onefromphilly said, why should the good dads be punished?
If the kids don’t have dads or don’t even want to make a card, have them do something else. Simple as that.
May 20, 2008 at 1:11 am
Amadeo
So what will those kids think about fathers now? They must not be important cause we don’t even celebrate. I’m sure it hurts them less then the kids who’s mother isn’t around…mothers day is EVERYWHERE. I see this as another example that men just aren’t as important in relation to children. Damn…not even the big piece of chicken.
May 20, 2008 at 1:27 am
Candice
I don’t agree with the policy of not celebrating father’s day. I think the Dads should be honored and celebrated just like the moms. I grew up without a father, I chose to celebrate my mom on Father’s day.
May 20, 2008 at 1:38 am
sherri
seems like a sad commentary on our society and what we are willing to accept as “ok” behavior.
May 21, 2008 at 7:11 am
Los Angelista
That’s ridiculous! Talk about low expectations for them and their families. When I taught school, I told the kids to make one for their father or whoever was their father figure. As long as they made a card for an important man in their lives, it was good.
May 21, 2008 at 12:03 pm
crimsonpurl
I understand what the single mom’s are saying, but I think that is unfair!
Now your are completing ignoring men all together and isn’t that just escalating the problem unconsciously?!?
I agree with Funky Fresh – Hell give it to your single mama!