Ms. Lee asks the Questions….

So this week, I am answering questions. Every day I will answer five questions from one of my favorite bloggers. Today’s five come from Ms. Lee. Ms. Lee is one dynamic and talented sister. We have a lot in common and I can’t wait to meet her in person. I hope you check out her blog.

However, she sure is nosy…..here are her questions…

1. The old love of your life shows up on your doorstep. Mr. 1969 says, I know he’ll make you happier than I do. So I’ll go (and leave T’s 1 & 2 with you), if that’s what you want. What do you do?

I would never leave Mr. 1969. No matter how much I may still love an old love…he would be just that…an OLD LOVE. Mr. 1969 and I made a committment to each other and the kids. I would never break up our home, no matter how tempting. Besides, Mama Sixtynine always says that “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know”…..Mr. 1969 is all trained, at this stage, I am not trying to break in a new player!

2. You have to give up something you absolutely love for 90 days. What do you give up?

Hmmm….what do I love? TV. Giving up TV for 90 days would be HARD. No Lost? No Heroes? Whew….

3. What is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made?

Definitely, not understanding the value of money and credit from an early age. I could have owned so much by now if I hadn’t squandered so much on shopping, trips, meals, etc. I wish I had that guidance earlier on.

4. You’re psychic and know you’re going to be stuck on a deserted island. Who are you stuck with? And what three things must you have with you?

I would probably be stuck with my Best Friend. We would laugh for the rest of our lives. As long as we had music, food and some good books…..we would be straight.

5. As a non-Greek, I am unaware of the goings on when pledging (barring School Daze and Stomp the Yard, LOL). So I am curious. Were you hazed? If so, did you ever feel the need to seek revenge? Have you ever met an AKA you didn’t like?

For the record, AKA is a non-hazing organization. 1969 pledged 17 years ago. I had MANY trials and tribulations along the way. Pleadging in not an easy process but you are only there by choice. You can choose not be be there at any time. I wouldn’t trade that process and experience for anything. I learned more about myself, my strength and my will than I could have ever imagined. I also bonded with my line sisters for life and learned so much about the organization. Anything that was done to me was never done through hate or jealousy. I was never injured or beaten for the hell of it. There was a purpose behind everything…So I never felt the need to seek revenge. I think that many incidents of outright hazing that you hear about or read about happen when you have members that did not go through a tight pledging process…and then they turn around and try to pledge someone else. I have seen all of the movies and NONE are accurate. Don’t believe everything you see. Big Sister Almighty was not letting Half Pint sleep with my man

And AKA is like anything, there are some you love, some you could live without, some you just don’t like. It’s like a family. As long as we are able to put petty things aside when we have a job to get done….that’s what it’s all about. Helping others.
In addition, if there is someone you don’t really gel with, we try to be sisterly about it and don’t discuss it outside of the family.

You Must LEARN…………..

And as a follow up to the Romance is Dead post….I give you AMADEO’s response. Read it and learn young bucks.

Many are called but few are chosen….

I think the most powerful person in a family is the Father. The Father controls the destiny of his family and especially his children. Mothers are nurturers and they teach you how to love. Fathers shape the person you become. When a son has a father he can respect, he learns to be a man. He learns responsibilty, strength, pride and how to carry himself.

When a woman has a father, she learns how a man is supposed to act. She sees how a man treats a woman with respect, handles his responsibilities, protects his family, works hard, has fun and loves them unconditionally.

When the father is gone…..the kids have to fend for themselves. The woman is lost. The father is the key to our families. You all know that I am struggling to strengthen my bonds with my Father. My mother did a fantastic job, but there is no substitute for a strong black man running your house and teaching you the lessons you need to learn.

Today, I want to wish all of the Dad’s out there a very Happy Father’s Day. Thank you for everything that you do to make our kids better.

And to Mr. 1969, who is probably the best example of a Father that I know…..thanks for holding us down through my business trips, long hours and sorority meetings. You take care of your sons (and me)and smile doing it. You don’t complain and act like parenting is a job. It comes naturally. If my boys grow up to be half the man you are, they’ll be blessed. I love you man.

Romance Is Dead

It is my humble opinion that ROMANCE IS DEAD.

The art of courting, dating, thinking outside of the box is GONE. Heck, even my own husband who started out good (that’s probably how he reeled me in) has fallen by the wayside.

And romance is not about expensive gifts…..it’s about small gestures. Paying attention to someone’s likes and dislikes. Figuring out what it is that makes them smile. Knowing what will brighten their spirits. So many people talk about romance but have no clue.

It’s about spoiling someone else, making them feel special, doing something you know they will like but is totally unexpected.

And Romance is not automatically linked to f*cking. Yeah….I said it. Sometimes it’s sexy to do things without….gasp….the expectation of getting some in return.
What is your motivation? Is it “what’s in it for me?” or do you really want to make that person happy?

I once had someone very romantic in my life. This man had it down. I couldn’t begin to talk about the things he would do. More than anything, he listened to me. Even when I wasn’t telling the whole story. He read between the lines. He knew me. He knew what I needed before I could even say it.

One time I visited him in NY and we had such a great weekend. He knew I was homesick and as he started driving me back to the train station in Manhattan….I was sitting there talking about how much I hated being in DC, away from home. How I missed him, my family, etc….when I looked up, we were driving to the Holland tunnel. “Where are we going?” “I’m driving you back to DC and spending the night.” “You didn’t pack any clothes? You have to work tomorrow.” “I’ll call out sick” “Are you crazy?” “You need me.” **sigh**

Put some thought into it people. Think outside the flowers and candy box.

However, there is a fine line between romance and freakiness. Many of you are making that Scooby Doo noise….RuHRoh? Buying someone a thong is not romance, emailing him pictures of your naked azz is not romance. There is a time and place for the freak.
But you have to romance someone and know where it’s headed before you unleash the freak. RATION THE FREAK(c) 1969…..don’t show all of your tricks on the first go around. Leave a little for down the road. If you are too eager to show WHAT YOU GOT (Bonus points for Nas and Jay in the same post)or talk about it too much….it starts to lose it’s shine very quickly.

When I hear some of the stories out there….I am forced to wonder….What happened to romance? Am I just old? Where are the people that say it through actions and not email?

**pouring out the pink champale**

We Don’t Need No Education!

The Philadelphia School system is horrible. I have two young black men that I am trying to raise to take over the world and I live in a city with a substandard school system.

We moved here and I didn’t really think about the school system. We moved because we both had career opportunities. When we had our first son, I went into panic mode.
In Brooklyn, my family stressed education above anything else. I went to great schools (shouts out to BTHS and NYU) and worked hard. That was my ticket out of struggling. To be faced with bad educational options with a baby…..was not a good thing.

I started researching schools from the minute he could walk. This is the land of private school….Friend.s S.elect, Ha.verford Boys, Wal.dron Mercy…..there are phenomal private schools in this city….I just REFUSE to pay $18,000 for Kindergarten when I also have another child in daycare.

I started to investigate the Public School system. There had to be one school that I could find for my son. After pouring through the State Test Scores, I kept noticing one school repeatedly came in first. This school was number one in math and reading for the last three years. It’s the only Blue Ribbon Public School in Philadelphia.

I started hunting…..why is this school in my neighborhood? How come I’ve never heard of it? Turns out, it is a small, very select Charter School. While many Charters have teachers that aren’t accredited or the schools lose funding…..this school is expanding, is receiving lots of grant money and the teachers are top notch educators. And….The school is run by a SISTER…..

So last night was Tali 1′s interview. I was so proud of him. I gave him the “act right or die” speech all morning so he was on his best behavior. He really is the smartest kid alive. I was so proud of him. Not just for answering all of their questions, but for BEHAVING like he had some home training

Now we just have to wait to hear if he made it.

Writer’s Block *sigh*

So after my last few posts….I need a break from sharing all of my personal information….let the mindless banter commence!

I saw this Macy Gray video for “Finally Made Me.Happy”. Answer me this, why would you duet with someone that can sing CIRCLES around your behind? Macy Gray and Natalie Cole? What genius thought that was a good idea? NOT GOOD.

How is it that TJ Maxx can sell a Michael Kors dress that I saw at Macy’s for $145 for $39.00. I swear….I am a believer in shopping around cause had I bought that at original price, I would have been HOT. (Uh and I did buy it for $39)

Crusty heels. Ladies and gentlemen….get a pedicure. It’s that simple.

The picture of Pari.s crying in the squad car? Priceless.

Why was I (a grown azz woman of 37, almost 38, wife and mother of two) up till 11pm last night watching Fade to Black and rapping all the songs word for word? Hov-A, Hov-A….

Hells Kitchen….the crying, fainting dude needs to go home now!

Tali 2 told his daddy “Cut it out Old Man”. ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Tali 1 has his final interview with the school we really want him to go to in the Fall. Wish us luck.

You ever just know that you are destined to be friends with someone from day one?

MEN at the pool or beach with back hair is NOT cute. If we have to wax, so do you. Ole bigfoot, sasquatch looking…….

I am adventurous with trying new things…..I don’t get people who just hate things but have never tried them.

I need to hit the beach soon…..

Guess Who’s Coming To Brunch?

So as we start down the road to dating, things are heating up. 1969 is starting to like the future Mr. 1969 and vice versa….he invites me to spend Easter weekend at his house and to meet his mama and family.

So we get up there, things are going smoothly. Easter Sunday, the two of us head off to church. His mom had gone to sunrise service so she could stay home and cook. Of course, we both looked extra sharp when we left and we enjoyed a great service. (Two years later, we would be married in this same church).

So when we get back home, I can smell the Easter ham and all of the cousins are over.
I walk in and start chit chatting with the cousins. Just as they were getting up to leave….Mr. 1969′s mom comes in the room. “Lawd….I don’t know what to do? I wasn’t really thinking and she has a gift for me….”

So Mr. 1969 asks his mom what’s wrong….”While you were at church, Puerto Rico called.” The whole room gets quiet.

“Puerto Rico……She’s here? Why is she here?…..What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t know what to say. She said she was in town for the Holiday to visit friends. She had a gift for me and wanted to stop by to drop it off. I knew 1969 was here but I couldn’t say no, it would have been rude. I didn’t know what to say?”

Mr. 1969 starts to look nervous. All of the cousins are quiet.

Now Puerto Rico was THE GIRLFRIEND. She dated Mr. 1969 for three years, all through college. Despite him cheating on her repeatedly, she stuck it out with him until she finally started cheating. Of course, he then dumped her and said she broke his heart. A totally dysfunctional relationship very typical of college.

So he looks at me and says…”What do you want me to do?”

So of course, the gracious lady that I am…I say that I have no problems with her coming over to say hello.

All of his cousins who were leaving start laughing and saying “We ain’t going NOWHERE now!!!”

So about 30 minutes later, in walks a triumphant Miss Puerto Rico. She didn’t really notice me when she first came in. She was all decked out in her Easter finest. I can see how she thought it would go down. The beautiful ex-girlfriend walks back into town, shows up unexpectedly and sweeps a lonely Mr. 1969 off his feet again…..SCREEEEEECH

He walks her over to me and introduces her to his “Girlfriend, 1969″. I stared her right in the eye, extended my hand and said “So nice to meet you, you’re the one from College right?”

Her whole face looked crestfallen but she was a trooper, she sucked it all in and was very sweet. Said hello and gave the mom the gift. Of course, the food is ready so the COUSINS invite her to stay and eat. Meanwhile they are in the kitchen asking me if I’m going to beat her down. LOL

So instead of this heffa saying “No, I’m not hungry” she stays to eat with us. Then to top it off, she asks Mr. 1969 if he wants to see pictures of her sisters baby. He says sure. In every picture…Why is she in a string bikini on the beach holding the baby????? LMAO

She had her game down pat. I know if I wasn’t there, it might have been on like popcorn. Mr. 1969 is so nervous through all of this. He keeps coming over to me and asking me if everything is okay. I smile and say sweetly “Of course. Are YOU okay?”
He keeps saying “Why won’t she leave?” The cousins are loving every minute of watching his azz sweat and his sisters are next to me snapping on her. I swear it was like an episode of Good Times.

Eventually, she realizes that it’s time to go. He asks me if he can walk her to the car….I smile sweetly and say “Of course”. He walks her outside and comes back in in five minutes.

As soon as he walks in, he collapses on the chair and all of us break out laughing.
Poor Mr. 1969, he was stressed out.

Then we all start cutting up….”Can you believe she stayed? What was up with the pictures? She knows she was trying to come back like BAM….she got her damn feelings hurt.”

Later that night…..Mr. 1969 and I went for ice cream and we sat by the waterfront and talked. He told me he had only dated girls that liked drama. He wasn’t used to anyone that exhibited the class I had shown that day. He thought I would snap out in his mom’s house and he was just dreading the whole scenario. I smiled sweetly and told him that he didn’t invite her, she probably left devastated and that I was the one staying, she eventually had to leave. We hugged and the relationship probably turned a corner after the Miss Puerto Rico incident.

He didn’t know his future wife was always only one second away from knocking that BEYOTCH out.

"You ain’t gettin paid….you ain’t knockin boots…"

“Hi Babe, what’s up? You in Brooklyn?”

“Do you know a girl named Jamaica?”

“Yeah… That’s the chick I broke up with right before I met you.”

“Well, your ex-girlfriend just called my mother’s house in Brooklyn to let me know that she is NOT your ex.”

“Why would she call your mom’s house?”

“I don’t know. All I do know is you need to get a handle on your ho’s REAL QUICK. I don’t know who you think I am or what you’re used to dealing with but I don’t DO drama. I try to conduct myself like a lady. I don’t deal with other women’s men. I am used to being courted by gentlemen that want the pleasure of my company. I am NOT going to play WHO’S MAN IS HE with one of your stunts.” (Yes, I said this. Mr. 1969 can quote it and often does when re-telling the story..LMAO…I swear I need my own sitcom.)

“I don’t know how she got your number. I haven’t seen her or talked to her in over two months.”

“Well she had my MOTHER’s number and she said she got it from your wallet. You had to have seen her after we met. I don’t have time to get into details and I don’t care about the details.”

“But I haven’t seen her in two months.”

“Look…..you and I just met. I am sure there are lots of loose ends that you need to tie up if we are going to move forward in any way. So how about you don’t call me anymore and you take some time to get your house in order…cause you are not ready for me to get your house in order for you….it won’t be pretty.”

“Wait…I know you’re mad but for real….I broke up with that chick two months ago. I’m in PA and she’s in Queens. You know I’ve been up here. You’ve talked to me almost everyday at my house. I swear to God, on my mom, I haven’t seen her. I don’t even carry your mom’s number in my wallet. Damn….I only have your mom’s number cause you left me a message on my voicemail this morning. You never gave me your mom’s number before today right?”

Hmmmmmmmmm. And the chick called me from Queens today (I saw her number on the Caller ID) so she can’t be at his house. How did she get the number?

Do you know we found out (due to her calling him later to say…Ha ha…I called your new girlfriend) that Jamaica had his voicemail code and had been steady checking his messages for the last two months? So when I left the message for him to call me, I was leaving for Brooklyn….she got the number that morning and called to find out who I was? These chickenheads are CRAZY! (But so devious….I admit I have to respect her gangsta…LOL)

So Mr. 1969 actually escaped the Miss Jamaica episode with me by his side and the relationship started to progress…..the next episode would be about two months later…..Miss Puerto Rico….stay tuned kids, I couldn’t make this mess up if I tried………

This is Mrs. Biggs……what the hell is going on?

So one weekend I leave Maryland and head home to NYC for the weekend.

When I walk in the door of my mom’s house….she says “Thank God you’re here. Someone called and said they found your wallet at Grand Central Station.”

I am taken aback. “How could they find my wallet at Grand Central Station? I drove home.”

So my mom says….”Check your bag? Maybe you dropped it and somebody picked it up.”

I go in my bag and my wallet is in there. The whole thing sounds strange but I ignore it and start eating some good home cooked food.

The phone rings and I pick it up…..Some lady is on the line and she is telling me that she found my wallet. So she starts interrogating me….”Is your name 1969?”
“Yes” “You live in Brooklyn?” HOLD UP. RED FLAG.

So now I say to this chick…”Who are you? How did you get my number and what do you want?”

So this woman starts telling me that she is dating Mr. 1969. She is his girlfriend.
She found my number in his wallet and she wants to know what is going on.

Now she must not know ’bout me. I don’t play games. I am GROWN. Even back then I was GROWN. Hell…I’ve been GROWN for all my life. I came out the womb GROWN.

My response was…”If you are his girlfriend, you need to call your man. Ask him the questions you are asking me. As for you calling my house….you called here unauthorized. I did not give you this number. This is my mother’s house. How dare you call my mother and involve her in some concocted story. That is called Fraud and I will call the police immediately if you ever call and disrespect my mother’s home ever again. I don’t even LIVE here. How old are you sweetheart?”

“Uh…25″

“25? Well I am far older than you and my time for engaging in prank calling people’s houses and trying to find out where my man is has passed. I have a very low tolerance for bullsh*t. What’s your name?”

“Uh….Jamaica”

“Okay, well look here Jamaica, where are you from?”

“Uh….Queens”

“Well Jamaica….I am not from Queens but since I now have your number on my caller id…I will have no problem finding out exactly where you live. I suggest you forget you ever found my number cause I am not the one you would ever want to meet unexpectedly. You understand me?”

“Uh….Okay.”

CLICK.

All this and I hadn’t given Mr. 1969 any azz yet………………One guess who my next call was to?

to be continued

What we gonna do right here is go back…….

When I graduated from college, I moved to DC. I have lived in DC, Baltimore and Columbia, Maryland. I loved living in Maryland the most. Columbia was such a great and convenient place to live. My Target was down the street, my mall was up the street. Life was simple and good. Unfortunately, I had no social life. I couldn’t get into men in that area. I was a Brooklyn girl with Trini roots.
I needed some culture. I needed to meet a cool thug nerd.

One day while I was working in my Hotel ( I was the Director of Catering at the time), I looked across the lobby and saw this cutie. He was standing across from me talking to a bunch of guys. I checked the style…the face…the whole package but kept moving. I work in a hotel, I see cute strangers all day long. I didn’t really pay him any mind.

That weekend was two weeks before Christmas. We had Holiday parties jumping off left and right. I was running around making sure everything was straight. I kept seeing a whole bunch of black men in the hotel. Highly uncommon in Columbia, MD. I asked the desk agent what was going on and she replied that we had a Flag Football tournament staying with us. About ten teams. So this weekend brothers were everywhere. I still was in work mode and didn’t pay most of them too much attention despite the “Hey, Shorty’s” I was getting from all angles. (sidenote….Brothers…that ish is NOT attractive, okay?)

So I got a call on my radio that there were a “BUNCH of dudes eating food off the food buffets we just set up outside of the Ballroom”. GREAT. So I head up to the ballroom and sure enough….there were about five football guys trying to eat food off a buffet we had just set up for this Holiday party. As I start walking up to them, I hear one of them saying “Ya’ll are some trifling azzez. Stop stealing food”. I look over…it’s the GUY. You know….the cutie from the lobby.

So I start laughing and tell them that if they didn’t pay for it….they need to step back. The cutie tries to help me and eventualy we all start laughing. I promise to save them some cheesecake after the event.

The cutie starts telling me that he and his boys are here for the football tournament but looking for something to do that night. I recommend a few DC spots and a few B’more spots. In Columbia….the only club is the Silver Shadow and that was not their style. LOL

We parted ways. The next day, I am talking to one of the banquet guys and he says “Don’t look now but some man is coming up behind you”. I turn around and sure enough….it’s the cutie. He’s all sweaty, in full football gear and it’s only about 9am. He thanked me for the club recommendations and informed me that his team had already played two games for the morning. They lost one and won one. So I made small talk and walked away. He was cute….but I was so focused on work, I wasn’t really thinking anything. I just thought he was being cordial.

About fifteen minutes later, I am decorating a table for a Bar Mitzvah and he walks by in some swim trunks….flexing…..headed to the pool and waves. I start cracking up with my co-workers. They are like….”Yeah. Your boy is trying to show you what he’s working with…” I mean, we laughed for a good twenty minutes at how subtle dude was. LMAO.

The next morning was Sunday. I only came in to check on a Brunch and was leaving. Again, while I am standing there fixing something….someone taps my shoulder. I turn around and it’s him again. So he tells me they came in fifth in the tourney. He starts making small talk. This dude is talking my ear off and I am working. I look down and notice he’s holding a pen. So after he KEEPS talking…..I finally say to him (getting ALL Brooklyn, now that I think about it…) “So, Do you want my number or what cause I have to go?”

He started laughing and says…”I was about to ask you if you could have just waited a minute. Damn girl.” His smooth persona faded to black and I saw something….a slight “take no mess” side. I liked it. We exchanged numbers and I left work about 30 minutes later.

As soon as I walked in my house….the phone rang. It was him….he said that before he left to head back home….he wanted to take me out for lunch. I said yes.

That is how I met Mr. 1969.