It’s Like That Ya’ll

So I am finally recovering from my vacation. I chilled out this weekend. Got back on track. Worked out each morning, cleaned my house, did some laundry. Slid back into the routine.

Mr. 1969 and I thank all of you for your kind words and support. You guys are great.
He had resumes out immediately and has already had two phone interviews and he is hitting up a job fair in downtown Philly today. I am certain he will find something even better than he had before.

In the meantime, it’s nice having him home. He’s a neat freak so he has been cleaning, organizing and handling the house business. My lawn is immaculate. The hedges are trimmed. The garage is clean. I mean….if he can paint the Breakfast room and hang some curtains, the house will be straight. LOL

So does anyone ever talk to their mother and get pissed off? Is it just me?

My mom called and asked me what did we do this weekend. So I said that we won’t be doing anything for a while since we just got back from the trip and Mr. 1969 just got laid off. She instantly starts going off on “People get laid off all the time” and
“what do I mean we won’t be going anywhere?”…”It’s just life and you have to struggle and deal with it like everyone else…”

Okay….PAUSE. Did I say anything about “Woe is me?”

Sometimes, West Indian mother’s want to say the right thing. They may even formulate the thought in their head….but the minute they open their mouths??? They go on the attack. They really cannot help themselves. It’s a disease.

So I very sweetly let the conversation die, hung up and went about my business.

After not hearing from me for two days, she will call and we’ll progress as normal.

If I snapped out right about now, it would not be pretty. So I am willing to let that one go.

Other than that, gearing up for a normal week at work. Hopefully, something good will jump off so I can write about it.

How many of us have them?

Last night, I came home from work and found out that Mr. 1969 got laid off from his job. This is not what you need to hear when you have a mortgage, two children and various other bills. I knew that he was feeling depressed so I fed the kids and then left to go grocery shopping.

When I got in the car, I called a good friend of mine. The two of us met when I moved to Philadelphia. It turns out, God brings people together for a reason. We have kept each other going for the last 7 years. We are a refuge for each other and can call at the drop of a dime and have instant dialogue about anything.

I called her and we started talking. The discussion started about my hubby and then it touched on our lives as women, mothers, sisters and daughters. The expectations we set for ourselves, the failures of our fathers in our lives and what role that played in the choices we have made. We talked about losing ourselves to all of the roles we balance and fighting tooth and nail to hang on to a small piece of who we used to be before responsibility took over. How we get so caught up in doing for everyone else that sometimes we just want someone to ask how we are doing.

We talked about our careers and how we have to exist as Black women in the workplace. How hard we have to work to be professional, intelligent and non-threatening so we don’t get labeled “the angry black woman”.

We talked about feeling overwhelmed, tired, angry and scared. We talked about life and how we can improve ours, our families and teach our children to learn from our mistakes. We ended it by telling each other that we had the other person’s back. We loved each other and we would help the other person get through the crisis no matter what.

It’s not always easy to be a real friend to someone. A real friend listens first and asks questions afterwards. I feel so blessed. I hope you all have someone you can call when you need some clarity and refocusing. I know I do.

Flashback

“Do you remember
When we fell in love
We were young
And innocent then
Do you remember
How it all began
It just seemed like heaven
So why did it end?”

Remember the Time….M.Jackson

So at my reunion, was my high school boyfriend, the Quarterback. He was my first, um…well first. LOL

We dated for two years (when in reality I was secretly in love with a boy named Chris in my homeroom who would eventually become the man I loved and lost to an untimely death). We dated my senior year and the Freshman year of college before the distance and excitement of meeting new people got to us.

We had a great high school relationship. We were popular, the Quarterback and the Fly Girl (at least I THOUGHT I was fly….the old pictures tell another story).
We were a power couple among maybe, four other couples.

Well it was hilarious to see these same couples at the reunion. Of course, they played…the famous MJ song above and made all of the high school couples dance.
We are both happily married with two sons. How ironic.

So while we danced and had every body yelling stuff about us on the dance floor…we were laughing about all of the old days. You know, when you would cut class and sneak the boy into your house and then try and have him out before your mama came home? Oh hush….you know what I am talking about….ole fast azzes!

Then we talked about the prom and remembered that the last song they played was “Adore” and that was OUR song. You know….old stuff that you forget but remember somewhere in the back of your mind?

Well we all had fun hanging out and reminiscing. It was great.

Of course, there was the moment right when we were all leaving and saying our goodbyes when he leaned in close, told me I still looked terrific, maybe better and that “those shoes you are wearing have been wreaking havoc on my equilibrium all night”.

1969 has still got it. LOL

Father Figure

“I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine…
I will be the one who loves you…til the end of time”

You may remember that I wrote a post about my Dad (August 15th in the archives)a while back. Well, I had that posted on my family blog and he read it. So when I came down, my last night in Trinidad we drove around and talked. He was touched by what I wrote and wanted to tell me his side of the story.

I didn’t grow up with him, but I am working on cultivating the relationship for the present and future. I am angry, I am disappointed, and yet, I am hopeful. He is still my father and I so need one.

As long as we are both willing to forget past mistakes, we can move forward. He loves me. I love him. We can make it work.

It was good to talk to him and I have some closure. He also told me that he loved my mother very much. They grew apart due to distance and youth but when they were together, he was deeply in love. For some reason, that meant a lot to me.

I am the type of person that doesn’t have very many people that truly know me. I am somewhat of an enigma. I hate to complain. I hate to need sympathy or help. I am working on opening up somewhat but I have a habit of keeping things inside and just working them out on my own. It’s not always the best way to handle things but it’s what I do.

I always felt like talking to my mom was burdening her with issues when she already had so much on her plate. I learned to just adjust and handle my own. It’s part of what makes me such a capable superwoman but there are times when I stop moving, breathe and realize that things can fall apart faster than a Roots song.

It’s hard for me to admit that I need someone. Especially someone that I felt abandoned me….but I do.

Parents are human. They make mistakes. Now that I am one, I understand this better.
However, having children of my own….I know I could never walk away from them. It’s selfish and it hurts the children. I know because I am one of the victims.

It’s so easy to run away from things that are scary and overwhelming. I want to run away from my life and live for myself every single day…..but I chose to have those kids and they need me. Deep down, I need them.

My father and I are going to work through this….we have to. We need each other.

What a week….

So yes, I am officially back from my trip to Trinidad. It was fantastic. I haven’t had time to even unpack much less to download pictures so you will all have to wait for a minute. (Hush up and be patient)!

We got back last Thursday and I ended up back in NYC the same day. I tried my best to hook up with Miss Lee (sorry Mama!) but ended up running around for my mom, best friend, etc….due to my high school renuion.

Trinidad update is pending a long post because some major stuff happened that needs it’s own post.

Instead, I will talk about my 20th High School Reunion…..

It was great to be at the old school. I must say, my classmates all looked fabulous and I stayed out until 5am. I haven’t done that in a WHILE. LOL

We had our daytime, homecoming event at the school and that evening had a party at T.ribeca Cinema. The party was great and I think I looked a little fabulous…judge for yourselves?

Don’t hate on the tan!!!!! I worked hard on that one in Tobago….LOL

After the party, at 4am, we ended up going out to eat. Can you tell we didn’t want to go home? Here is a picture of the crew at about 5am.

I am so exhausted but will work on the Trini pictures tonight. Glad to be home….

Back on the Block

I am back from my two week vacation. Well tanned, well rested and rejuvenated. Unfortunately, I also have about 289 emails to address. I will post all of the details later when I clear out my inbox. Have a great day!

BYE BYTCHES! (In the spirit of Don.Imus)

Sam, the World’s Ugliest Dog

Be back with lots of stories to tell and perhaps a few pictures. Have a great week….I know I will

Stepping onto the soapbox for a minute….

While most of the innanets are buzzing about a certain radio station DJ calling a certain female basketball team “Nappy Headed Hoes”, I am going to instead challenge my brown people to do better.

It’s so easy to demand that this tacky and crass individual be fired or reprimanded…but then we will go out and buy records, watch videos and speak to each other using the same words.

We have to stop with this…”we can call each other derogatory sh*t but you can’t” mentality. What kind of crap is that? Rationalizing demoralizing behavior is TRIFLING people.

C’mon Brown People, we can do Better.

The Countdown Is On…..4 days from now…..

Perfect Tens

When I moved to Philly, I became close to three Sorors in my chapter. What we each had in common was that we were all number tens on our respective lines.

We saw each other at last year’s Philly’s Men Are Cookin event.

Just wanted to share the picture….I am the 2nd one from the right. So single guys, when I tell you to come down for Philly’s Men….see what you are missing?