My mom is having surgery in two weeks. I feel kind of numb regarding the situation. Her prognosis is not good. From the time between her ultrasound and the MRI, the mass grew.
The fact that it is growing so quickly does not look good. Still, they will wait until they remove it to give us a complete diagnosis.
I feel like I did when I was six and almost drowned at the pool. I can see the surface and can reach it if I jump. However, I can’t breathe and I am sitting at the bottom of the water. It’s way over my head.
I tend to internalize most of my stress. It’s not a good thing but I have done it for so long. I don’t like sharing my pain with anyone. I always feel like there is so much suffering in the world. People are walking around with REAL problems. I know that I am blessed every single day that I wake up and take a breath. I don’t allow myself to be “woe is me”. I know that my situation could always be worse.
However, I can’t help feeling like someone sucker punched me in the ribs. It hurts, I can’t breathe when I think about it and there is an underlying pain because I am feeling like there is more pain yet to come.
I have no point with this post.
I don’t think there is a point to any of this.
Just getting ready to accept whatever it is that fate wants to hand me.